I've learned a little more. Girls think way differently than guys. Last night, Abby came over and watched the Christmas devotional with us. It felt good to listen to the first presidency, and their optimism. It went really quick. (Probably because i was working on finishing a video while listening.)
After the devotional, Abby stuck around and Scott, Andrew, Abby, and I all looked at the site called People of Wal-Mart. Someone brought up Christmas Gifts during all of this, and we started talking about what we wanted for Christmas. I said a job, Abby said her car to be brought from home, and Andrew said a girl-friend! We all got a good kick out of it, but it was only funny because we were right there with him! So then started the conversation about who has it harder in the dating world. Guys or Girls? Well of course Abby was outnumbered, but she still held her stance. She said that girls cant be proactive about getting guys. They just kinda of have to wait. THEY have to be asked before they can say yes. We rebutted with "while that is true. The girl does the asking in her own way. If she isn't open to a guy and trying to 'throw out the bait' not alot of guys are going to be confident enough to try." So then what about those guys (and girls) who use the periodicals section of the library to pick-up/be picked-up? We decided it was shallow and usually a waste of time to date that way. BUT thus was born "in the natural course of life..."
"IN THE NATURAL COURSE OF LIFE" means that while it is NOT okay to walk up to random girls at Wal-Mart and ask for their phone number, if your 'natural course of life' intersects with theirs, then an intelligent and meaningful conversation can be had to determine if their is a further interest in this person besides their looks. Now, with that being said....
"GAME" can be defined as a guy's ability to make the 'intersection' to look as "natural" as possible. If there is a pretty girl in produce, then a guy who may have been more interested in 'dairy' can change his course and become interested in produce. If while in produce, he happens to say, squeeze past her to get something and throws out a conversation starter in the process, then game on;) ... Yet... here we were sitting, all four of us, without a girlfriend/boyfriend.
I asked Abby if she had ever tried to force herself to like someone because she didn't have a reason not to. She said no.... but she said that sometimes she wonders if she is being to picky. Most of us agreed to that thought process. We also determined that if we became less picky, all we were really doing was lowering our standards or what we think we could get and would therefore never be happy with what we end up with. So how do we know "what we can get?"
I told Abby that i think most people consider themselves 7s on a 1-10 scale. Once again.. she said no.... We determined that most guys consider themselves 7 (obviously there are a few exceptions. Some guys think there 10s (and lets get real, they may be) and some consider themselves 2s (and they may be). But most guys see themselves around the 7 range.
Abby said that girls on the other hand consider themselves at polars.. They either have all the confidence in the world (10s) or they have no confidence and consider themselves lower numbers. There wasn't really much room for middle ground.....
Thus the "DECENT LOOKING GUY" Phenomenon was born...... most guys will say, "I'm a decent looking guy. I'm not the best but I'm definitely not the worse. Why cant I get more girls?"
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? " IS THERE A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF '7' GUYS WALKING AROUND? ARE GIRLS REALLY THAT SELF JUDGMENTAL? DO GUYS/GIRLS RATE THEMSELVES APPROPRIATELY? .... LEAVE A COMMENT...
Actually, I was reading an article about this just yesterday. They did a study on IQ and perceived intelligence. Apparently, on average, men and women have about the same IQ level. However, men say "I didn't prepare for that IQ test, so my real IQ is higher than what I made." Men overestimate themselves. Women, on the other hand, say "I prepared for that IQ test too much. In the real world, I don't perform as well." Women underestimate themselves. In a perfect society, both genders could perform equally. In reality, confidence gives the man the higher paying job.
ReplyDeleteWhat does all that mean in relation to your blog? In the dating world, I think it probably works pretty similar to the intelligence. Women put on make up and dress up and pretend that they are the most gorgeous, show stopping woman alive. Except they don't really feel that way, they just want to come across that way. Again, women are under confident. Men, on the other hand, put on a shirt and some nice jeans and go out. Men don't put as much time into the way the look because, again, they are over confident. Women – under confident. Men – over confident.
So what happens when an average guy (who thinks he's king of the world) comes across an average girl (who pretends she's queen of the world)? They are already off on the wrong foot: both of them are deceptive from the start. She doesn’t think she’s good enough and he thinks he’s too good.
Keep in mind, this is just the average, typical people. There are tons and tons of exceptions to this theory.
One last thing, Abby said girls are at the polars and you rarely have a middle ground girl. First of all, I am a middle ground girl. I’m not exceptionally beautiful, drop dead gorgeous but I’m not exactly the Hunchback of Notre Dam. I’m a typical looking lady, in my humble opinion. I feel the same about my personality. I’m not Janice from Friends but I’m also not the smoothest chick around. I think I’m about a 6 or 7, over all. I have several close girl friends who feel the same. Hollywood says you have to be one or the other, but I think they’re wrong.
Now, let’s step aside from my opinion. The same study I was talking about earlier touched on this a bit. It was sort of a side note. Men typically have really high IQs or really low IQs. They average out to be right in the middle with women. Women, however, are typically middle ground. That’s IQ, though. I don’t know how that translates into looks or personality, but from what I understand, guys are either awesome or not. Girls are just about the same all the way around.
okay i didnt even read alys response. sorry aly way to long for me. but im agreeing with Abby on the whole girl scale thing. Most either have confidence or they dont. There are a rare few out there that have confidence but at the slightest rude comments it shoots down to nothing and takes a while to get back up.and i also agree that girls have it harder we can only do so much to get the guy and then after that its all up to them. which we both no guys dont catch onto girls hints that fast which makes the whole thing just more difficult. But on the other hand.. me and aly both have men. soo -Christina (:
ReplyDeleteHaha. Sorry Chris. Basically I said that Abby was wrong about women being either or. I think that alot of us are middle ground.
ReplyDeleteI agree with ya that theres only so much we can do. There are girls who go after the guy instead of letting the guy chase, but I don't like that and I think that most guys don't like that, even if they say they do. There is only so much a girl can do to let a guy know she's into him. After that, it's his move.
I'm late...My bad. But I have a response, so here it is:
ReplyDeleteMost girls are secretly pretty selfish. They would rather have to opportunity to reject a guy than to have to wonder why they aren't good enough for anybody. We like to know that guys care enough ABOUT US to risk rejection. Girls shouldn't have to worry about rejection, (because a girl who deserves that probably threw herself a little too far out there in the first place). If a guy likes me, I assume he'll make a move or two (dates are always a nice start...). I'll try to send the right hints (get lost or get closer), but in the end I leave it up to him to do the right thing ;-}
And since confidence is such an issue, let me say this: women thrive on appreciation for their efforts at appearing confident and beautiful. Even if someone isn't naturally attractive, if she does the best she can, she deserves some show of appreciation for it. Even if it is only, "You look nice today."...then she thinks, "Yes! My effort was noticed. It's worth something!". Her confidence grows. She continues to try. Etc. Its a cycle. Effort --> acknowledged appreciation --> higher confidence --> greater effort. Natural confidence begats a certain natural beautfy.
MY question is this: Why in the flipping world do guys who OBVIOUSLY don't have a chance try so hard for girls they will NEVERRRR get? That sounds snobby...Not that I'm too good...but then again, maybe I am? For some? I seem to only attract weirdos. 99% of the time anyways. That gets old hahaha
So I am also a middle ground girl. I know this is way late... I'm just sayin...
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